Ramblings of a sane mind going insane

Self Improvement Programs: An Update

2011-06-30T12:36:00.003+05:30

June 30th 2011, Delhi

1. Language Improvement Program

Still a Work in progress, but much better than how it was about 6 months ago.

3 Stars out of 5

2. Health Improvement Program

Failure. Due to work pressures (Atleast that's how I justify it to myself) I have not been able to follow this program. Trying to revitalize it through a night home exercise shift. Seems to be working since last 2 weeks. but let's see.

0 Stars out of 5

3. Singing Improvement Program

Pretty much a success. Now I can sing some technically challenging songs like Mai Re by Atif Aslam.

4 Stars out of 5

4. Music Improvement Program

Rejected. It seems I am not really inclined towards playing instruments.

5. Moral Improvement Program

I would like to think I am a better person than I was 6 months ago. But then again, I know beter than to think such fallacies.

6. Knowledge Improvement Program

Still ongoing. Now I don't try and run from topics I don't like. Still needs a lot of work.

2 Stars out of 5

7. Laptop Improvement Program

Success. Except that the laptop itself crashes on me a few times due to "driver issues".

5 Stars out of 5

Bengali Chai !

2011-05-31T22:11:00.001+05:30

30th July 2009, Kenda

Location: On the First day of training in Kenda Coal Mine Area of Coal India

Incident: Going around on training with our boss to various nearby underground mines offices

Boss: Han to ladkon, ab zara chalte hain mine ke office wagerah. Lekin chalne se pehle ek chai pee ke chalte hain. (in loud vocie) Arre oh beta, zara teen chai lekar aana.

Me: Sir, mujhe chai pasand nahin karta

Boss: Tum chai nahin peete?

Me: Peeta hoon, par bahut rarely

Boss: Arre ek baar ki baat hai, pee lo

And the chai was placed in a 3 cm tall, 1.5 cm diameter cup in front of me.

Which I had to drink as i do not like to waste things.

After which we went to the first location. Where once again.......

Random guy 1: Chai Lijiye Na

Me: Nahin thank you, main chai lena pasand nahin karta

Another Random Guy: Are lijiye to sahi

and again a 3 cm tall, 1.5 cm diameter cup of tea was placed in front of me

and so it repeated 8............yes..........8 times till we came back to location 1 again

Random guy 1 again: Chai lijiye na

Me: ji nahin maine chai chod di hai

Another random guy: lekin abhi to aapne pee thi 1 ghnata pehle

Me: (showing him THE finger) han, abhi tees second pehle hi chodi hai

~fin~

A Mine Blowing Experience

2011-04-30T23:27:00.010+05:30

July 23rd 2009, Kenda

The hero was going through a rough patch in his life. And when I say rough I mean a really REALLY rough patch.

All the beautiful maidens had deserted him due to his communication problems and general cluelessness about things that a fair maiden likes. Furthermore, all mayhem had been let loose in the kingdom of riches where he sought to be because of the incompetence of some dim nitwits who were in charge of financing it.

Our hero thus started working in coal industry in India of all places as a HR Trainee just to feed himself.

As a trainee the hero had to roam all kind of dangerous places in the mysterious lands of India. He visited Asansol and he conquered.....errrr......lived to tell the tale. He visited Rajmahal and he didn’t get kidnapped and still lived to tell the tale. He visited Jhanjhra, the fabled Black Diamond mine of ECL Kingdom, which is the only profitable underground mine in the empire of Coal India, and still he lived to tell the tale.

But then he visited the fabled lands of Kenda. Where he went to see the first manually operated coal mine he’ll ever see in his life.

This is the story of this incredibly mine blowing experience that this hero had in this mine.

It was the first time he was ever going to enter a manually operated mine and therefore he was reasonably excited about it. It was a unique experience after all. He and his fellow traveller (Named VeryTall) got into the boots, the suits and the Lights to get ready for the 3 kilometer hike into the mine.

Their guide (called Gollum for the sake of convenience) started leading them into the labyrinth. What a labyrinth it was. Filled with strange twist and turns, height varying from 4 feet to 7 feet, supported by dusty rotten wooden columns and beams the labyrinth spread its wings deep into the mine.

It was an alien and strange experience. The only light was coming through the torch mounted on the travellers headgears. The only sound being the sound of their feet, the wind rustling through the tunnel due to thoughtfully placed wind shafts and the occasional Gollum from the guide. The only way being forward and downwards. Hero felt quite like Gandalf with his fellowship travelling with him into this exciting adventure. While VeryTall wished very much he was ReasonablyShort so that his head did not keep banging on the ceiling.

Hero was looking at the strange things done through some highly advanced technologies belonging to the late 18th Century. People were actually able to transport coal through a unique transport system. Gollum explained that it was done through the art of a tracks & pulley system. Recently they had put in the futuristic technology of electrical motor to pull the pulley system instead of man pulling the coal up through the pulley.

It didn’t make sense to the hero but he feigned interest and understanding. He was the hero after all.

Then Gollum led the fellowship further into the labyrinth. Hero was now only 250 meters from the end of the mine. At the end people were putting in explosives for controlled detonation later that day for mining of coal. It seemed very exciting to the hero, because as a hero he always liked blowing up things.

Gollum kept on explaining about the Nitty Gritties of the labyrinth and since VeryTall was listening with interest, Gollum kept on speaking to him about the Labyrinth.

Our hero then noticed something strange about the end of the mine. He was already very suspicious as quests usually have the trap at the end only. Now, roof bolting is a common practice inside the coal mines. It stops mines from collapsing on themselves and should be done within 2 to 3 hours of blasting, if done after that time it actually makes the roof more vulnerable to falling. He asked Gollum about Roof Bolting at the end of the mine, which he couldn’t see. Hero thought maybe the roof bolting had been done and he couldn’t see it due to some inherent magic of the Labyrinth. But Gollum said “Oh roof bolting equipment is being used in another area of the mine. We will roof bolt this last 150 meter stretch next week.”

Hero now saw it. It wasn’t the roof bolts. It was the Balrog which was coming to take his life.

And for the first time in his life, the Hero felt true fear for his life.

His throat dried up. He couldn’t speak for 30 seconds and felt breathless.

VeryTall asked him what was wrong in a general clueless sort of way that only VeryTall can, while hero stared on into empty space in abject fear.

He then did what a true hero is supposed to do when he truly fears for his life.

He ran away. He ordered Gollum to lead him out of the labyrinth RIGHT now, and he ran away from the abyss as if Sauron himself wearing the ring of Power was after him. When he reached the surface he thanked god for the life that he had given him and for looking after him.

He swore to NEVER EVER go down into a underground coal mine again.

And so it happened that our Hero visited Kenda, battled true fear, and still lived to tell the tale.

PS: Have you noticed that my last few posts have been on the last or second last day of the month?

PPS: Special Thanks to Vikas Bansal & Sajal for helping me improve the flow of this piece of Writing

Honey, I formatted the computer again

2011-03-31T23:06:00.002+05:30

1st May 2010, New Delhi

I formatted my computer today, again.

It’s a frequent occurrence for me. It helps me in keeping my system up to date and working lightning fast.

But most people I know do not like to format their computer even if they know the advantages that come from it, or even when it is apparent that their computer is on the verge of failure. They are intimidated or at the very least reluctant to format their computer.

This reluctance usually stems from lack of knowledge about how to format your computer, lack of experience in doing it & reluctance to invest the extra effort in formatting the system rather than repair it. What people forget is that formatting not just helps in making a computer work fast and without glitches, but it also forces you to take a backup of your important data which is a very important exercise in itself. It is better to format & correct any glitches in the system when it is working rather than waiting for it to break down before trying to salvage something from it.

It is damn easy to format your computer if you are prepared. I thought I would write a basic procedure for the same just in case I need to reference it ;) and to help some of the technology disabled people I know.

You need the following basic things to make sure you can format without any pain incurred after the formatting

Requirements

An External Hard Disk with more free space than the data you have in your computer.
List of & Setup files of Drivers & Softwares to be installed in one folder
A list of things you need to backup for sure from C Drive (As you format only C Drive). Make sure not to forget to take the backup of softwares like outlook & bookmarks of firefox.
Windows Installation DVD/USB
3 Hours of Free Time

Procedure

First & Foremost thing to do is to arrange for a hard disk which has more free space than the amount of data you have. It is a good practice to keep a hard disk specifically for this purpose. I have 2. One for backup, other for backup of backup :)

Second thing to do is to get all the drivers & softwares you require in one single place. If you are installing windows 7, only drivers you usually need are the video card, touchpad & chipset drivers. rest get detected automatically and do not create a fuss usually. software setups are an important part and it is always better to keep setups in external hard disk in case any software goes corrupt

Third thing to do is to make a list of things you need to take backup from C Drive. Good place to start are desktop and my documents folder. Apart from the data folders don’t forget to take a backup of softwares like outlook, firefox & sticky notes. Formatting C Drive removes all programs so it is better to take backup of data for all programs you would like to configure as they were before

If your computer only has a C Drive it may be a good idea to partition C Drive to contain at least 16 to 30 GB of space and put in the rest of space as D Drive or more and after that use D Drive to store your data. This is because if windows gets corrupted by a virus or other things, it is only the C Drive which gets corrupted, which can then be formatted leaving other drives untouched

Now that you have your backup in place & softwares ready to install after a fresh windows installation you are ready to put in your windows DVD and boot up from it to install a fresh copy of windows

After windows installation is done, install the drivers, then the softwares & after that copy back the backup data.

Now your computer is faster & better with a backup in place in case anything goes wrong with your computer.

The Delhi Metro

2011-02-28T00:21:00.001+05:30

29th June 2010, Delhi

I recently shifted back to Delhi after three years. After three long years I travelled in metro for an extended period.

And the first thing I realized even before getting into the metro was that the journey was going to be a pain in the ass.

The crowds have increased beyond any planned capacity. Although the crowds have not yet reached the level of Bombay Local they have definitely reached the proportions of Calcutta Metro.

Most of the times you have to travel while standing and while you are standing people are constantly pressing into you.

Out goes through the window any chance of travelling without molestation.

If by a stroke of bad luck a lady happens to be in the same compartment as yours, the chances of your being charged with molestation go up without any fault of yours. (Women have now even started beating men up it seems)

First of all getting a seat is nigh impossible considering the copious amounts of reservations and the tiny winy bit of ideals I have gotten drilled into me. But even if you do get a seat, things don’t really get better.

As soon as you sit you realize that something is vastly different in the scenery today from the scenery three years ago.

Now, since the crowd is so much more than what it was, the only thing you can look at during travel is feet, crotches and chests of people travelling with you…..and it is very awkward (unless you pretend to go to sleep)

You can’t even turn and watch the outside view, and f you somehow manage it, there is a 50 meter tall monument showing a very orange langauti to you. All in all you are screwed.

It was because of these extremely impressive selling points of the metro I decided to finally switch over to driving all the way to Noida. Yes it is tiring, eco-unfriendly, expensive etc etc. But atleast I don’t get molested twice a day.

PS: To those who are about to retort to me that this is the best way of travelling for me as it is the only way I am likely to get some action, I request them to kindly fuck off.

Birthdays

2011-01-31T22:18:00.001+05:30

26th January 2011, Delhi

Most grownups don’t really like to be reminded about their birthday.

When I was little (littler) I never really understood what all the fuss about not liking to celebrate a birthday was.

For me birthday was a day of celebration.
When you got to live another year in this beautiful place called home.

But now I can understand the other point of view. That birthday reminds people of another year in the life as gone. It reminds people that they are now getting older and time is flying bye without any regard to what is happening around it.

Nowadays I don’t really like to wish people a happy birthday. Now that I am old, I understand that it may not be the best thing to remind people that they are getting old.

With age I am starting to understand the different point of views.

As they say: The more I learn every day, the more I realize how ignorant and useless I was the previous day

Self Improvement Programs

2010-12-31T23:05:00.001+05:30

25th December 2010

I do not have any aim in my life. Not even a goal.

Just a vague notion of trying to follow the “right” path, doing well & being a better person everyday.

Now since I don’t have goals & believe that I am insignificant enough and unimportant enough to not really make a difference whatever I do, I am trying to do small little quests.

Basically just following random urges of my heart to do whatever I want to do.

So, I am currently on a self appointed quest for improvements. I thought I will list down these as it is becoming hard for me to keep track of all of them.

1. Language Improvement Program

I have started feeling that my language skills are deteriorating, both in English & Hindi. This is partly because I am now reading less books and partly because of Microsoft, Google & Firefox (Which allow me to type without worrying about the grammar or spelling as it will show problems as RED in spell check). So I am now consciously trying to type correctly, not use auto-correct but type the right spelling and read more books. Obviously this is a work in progress.

2. Health Improvement Program

I am not a picture of perfect health, not by any long shot. So these days I am trying to consciously control my diet to less harmful things & go for exercises. For achieving this purpose i have also spent some money on buying a treadmill which I try to use everyday.

3. Singing Improvement Program

First of all let me clarify: yes, I sing. Not professionally of course, but at one point of time my command over the vocals was quite good. Somewhere down the line I stopped humming & singing the songs due to simple plain social pressure. As I grew up, it felt awkward to sing where others could hear you. Now I am working on singing & doing “riyaz” during the 1.5 hour journey I make everyday to office. This is of course part time, some time of my journey is also spent on calling long lost friends whom I have lost touch with.

4. Music Improvement Program

This is quite different from the singing program. I have developed a new eccentricity basically. I want to learn a musical instrument. For this I am thinking of buying the instrument. I am currently sold on the idea of a Saxophone, but my mind may change later.

5. Moral Improvement Program

What is wrong? What is right?
The Basic questions of life
No Answer in Sight

6. Knowledge Improvement Program

I have a knack for remembering odd and random facts in different fields. This is especially true for technical subjects. But there are few areas of knowledge like politics, sports & law which I used to actively avoid & still avoid. One subject which I used to actively avoid was construction, real estate & infrastructure. Knowledge of which is a big advantage for my current job and life in general. So nowadays I am trying to learn architecture, civil engineering & civics about working of government. Any help pointing me in right direction on how to go about this knowledge improvement will be greatly appreciated (Not that my appreciation and undivided attention is much of an offer)

7. Laptop Improvement Program

I have recently bought a new laptop (Which is still to reach me from Bangalore). After I get it I will run my long, comprehensive and time consuming laptop improvement programs in which I will set out to sort out and properly arrange my songs, movies, E-Books, Wallpapers, Academic Data, Personal Files, Games & Softwares. I will also need to install a number of good Softwares (64 bit) & maintain them for this program to be declared a success.

PS: I might just elaborate on the believing about myself being unimportant enough in my next post

PPS: Two posts on morals have been in the making for last ten months as they are too tedious to complete

PPPS: No Comments

Kissa Hamshakal Ka

2010-11-29T23:24:00.004+05:30

21st September 2010, Delhi

Kehte hain duniya main har kisi ki shakal kisi na kisi se to milti hi hai

Usne yeh baat kaafi baar suni thi par kabhi maana nahin tha aur na hi ispe dhyaan diya tha

He used to believe in the uniqueness of human beings

He liked how every person is unique in himself or herself

He never used to judge a person or classify a person’s traits based on how he or she looked or how much they looked like a person he already knew

And so one day he met this beautiful girl. But he didn’t judge her as nice on how she looked. She just was and he just looked at her.

But she was a beautiful girl and he just couldn’t stop himself from looking at her beauty. Admiring her beauty. Comparing her to the beautiful women he knew. But there was a nagging feeling in his mind that he knew her from somewhere. It was just on the tip of his toungue, on the edge of his mind, just within his grasp……

And then he realized

She looked just like a female version of his best friend

A guy who was his chuddi buddy…… literally

His mind said "WTF" and stopped

then he remembered the saying he should never have forgotten

“duniya main har kisi ki shakal kisi na kisi se to milti hi hai”

Still in a mind numbing daze, he concluded

“I used to like you, but you look too much like one of my best friend”

Software Essentials for a Rookie Music Lover

2010-10-31T09:55:00.001+05:30

14th March 2010, Kolkata

Do you like listening to music?

Do you have an insane amount of songs on your PC?

Do you fret over the bitrate of songs you have?

Do you boast about your music collection?

Do you own a ridiculously expensive headphone?

Do you feel like an idiot most of the time when you are awake or dreaming?

Are You an Asshole?

If you answered yes to the above questions, you can safely conclude that you really are an asshole.

Another thing you can conclude is that you really like listening to music. Also, You can safely conclude that you like to build up your music collection.

I like to do so too.

But, I don’t just like to build a music collection. I like to have it sorted and standardized too. A little excessive perhaps, but pays off in long run when I am able to find songs easily, listen in high quality, shuffle through them rapidly and see their complete details if I want.

I thought I would share some software’s used by me which keep my music collection in shape, let me listen to my music in high quality and let me change a songs attributes to my liking.

1. Winamp: It needs no introduction. Winamp is an essential component of listening to a worthwhile music collection. You can do many things with it. But it is preferable if you just remain limited to adding folders of songs to media library, searching through it to find your song and listening to it. You can enhance your convenience by enabling & customizing global hotkeys in this.

2. Super: Ever felt irritated about that .wma song which refuses to play on your ipod or your phone? Then this is the perfect software for you. Convert pesky file formats into mp3 formats easily for free. And guess what, this software has the capability of converting any format into any format. Let me repeat that “any format into any format”. This includes video or audio. Convert mp4 to avi, mp4 to mp3, avi to flv etc etc etc. And if you want to extract audio from a video file, just disable video in output. Perfect software for converting. Just don’t try it for religious purposes…..

3. MP3 Gain: Does your music collection give you ear damage when songs change? Do you strain to hear the song you like because its volume is just too damn low? Then this is the perfect software for you. It changes the average volume of your song without changing the quality. It can do batch conversions, so set the decibel level to a volume of your choice and put your collection through the rigor. I am sure you will like the reuslts

4. Razor Lame: Is your music collection becoming too unwieldy for your mobile device? Do you want to conserve your disk space while retaining the quality of your songs? Then use this software to control the bit rate of your songs & change fixed bitrate songs to variable bit rate.

5. Media Monkey: Perfect software for editing your meta tags & album art. It has a unique option of auto tag, which allows you to get meta tags & album art directly from amazon without editing them manually.

6. Audacity: Do you want to remove the way too lengthy introduction music. Do you want to edit the audio file to remove the part you like the most. Or do you want to record your cassette to mp3 using quality you specify. Then audacity is the software for you. It is a complete software for recording and editing your music files.

7. Izotope Ozone for Winamp: Simply speaking ozone makes your music sound better. It makes the music fuller & richer. It allows you to edit the output of winamp much beyond what winamp’s equalizer can do for you

PS: Coke Studio: Awesome songs, free downloads, what else do you need to know

PPS: Thanks to Lifehacker who helped me reach some of these softwares for my needs

Peeth Peeche

2010-09-30T00:13:00.003+05:30

16th September 2010, Delhi

We always converse about people behind their back. It’s in our nature.

(Note: Listening is a subset of conversing; hence we have all done it, directly or indirectly)

Obviously some people are just not enough of an outlier from the norm to get more than a passing mention. Some however become the focus of heated discussions inadvertently.

We talk about people’s attributes, their faults, their fortune or lack thereof. But whatever we talk about, one thing is certain, we are more candid than we can ever be in front of the person we are talking about.

One day I hope to secretly listen to some samples of such conversation which happens about me.

(I am of course assuming that sometimes I am enough of an outlier from the norm to merit a discussion)

When I do, I hope to listen to some good and awesome things about me, which I am reasonably sure I won’t hear today, come hell or high water.

Taking into consideration my inability to come up with anything inspiring since my last post, I have decided to use it to leverage my strategic ability to BS and leverage an online platform exponentially to address these fundamental insights about the market. I have come up with creative idea to make a matrix comparing the currently existing patterns in the market with the patterns I would like to see in near future in mind of consumer.
(Basically make a table comparing what I want to hear to what I would probably hear today if I could hear what people say about me behind their backs)

PS: Feel free to add any to the list, if you can think of any

PPS: Till date I have already reached the status of “Jagrit, ever the clueless cool hottie”. Coolness is countered by hotness leaving me quite an average person, hence making it applicable to me currently.

PPS: Please ignore the last paragraph after taking into consideration my curse of being an MBA and a random urge to follow in the steps of Shri Shri Raghav Ranjan (Demi-God)

PPPS: He may be elevated to status of “God” by upsetting Shri Shri Sharad Dagar from that position through a statistically significant preference to exchange the position of Dagar with Ranjan through a random sample survey of 268 people from IIML batch of 2009

One Moment

2010-08-16T14:29:00.000+05:30

14th August 2010, Delhi

"God I hate this world" he thought.

He was driving his old santro home after dropping his aunt to her home at a nearby sector.

While driving he was thinking about the unjustness of his life & the unjustness of the circumstances around his life.

"I earn shitty money. Even though I've been working for a year, I can't even buy that SLR camera I've always wanted to buy. I've to spend 4 hours every day to travel to my workplace & even there sometimes I've to work on shitty work like government tenders. I mean, I graduated in one of the worst recession years due to which I am earning less than my juniors. I am a virgin now for over 24 years. Girls shy away from me as if I am some kind of a contagious disease. I mean seriously can my life get any worse? Will I ever find a girl in my life?"

It was while thinking these thoughts when he took that right turn

And the world slowed down for him.

It was a surreal moment, right out of a typical hindi movie.

It was in this moment that he saw her.

Small raindrops clung to her face and her hair, She looked like an angel who has come on earth to help people.

A Small frown marred her forehead as she concentrated on the task in front of her.

She was trying to cross the road. A most determined expression on her face, Her face taut with responsibility.

Two children clung to her. One almost 2 years old, clung to her like a baby kangaroo clings to her mother. The other almost 4 years old held onto her hand like a frightened lamb.

She was not more than 6 years old.

Her hair matted into knots she looked as if she was going to the nearby mandir where she could get some food for her brother, sister and herself.

He passed her in his car and in his rearview mirror saw her cross the road with such a joy, just for being a little closer to food for that day, a joy the likes of which he had not felt for a lot of time.

The moment passed

And he drove on

And he just drove on

Making Records

2010-07-04T01:52:00.007+05:30

3rd July 2010, Delhi

Please Note: Following Post is only pertinent to MBA batch of 2009

The orphan batch of 2009 will always be remembered for making records no one even dared to think about.

We went where no one from any IIM had gone before.

We even went where no one even from IIPM had gone before.

We went to PSU’s

At the onset there were records about MBA students

More than 50% of MBA’s change their jobs within one year of joining
Minimum Salary after an MBA is 9 LPA
150% Placements are a given
There are a minimum of 5% beautiful girls in the batch

And then we arrived.

Considering the sheer number of records we have managed to set and break till date & are breaking even as you read this, it is impossible to list all of them. Hence, in the interest of time conservation I’ll list a few:

Less than 10% changing their jobs within one year
Maximum Salary is 9 LPA
15% Placements are a given
There are a maximum of 5% beautiful girls in the batch, if any

These records were not set in isolation by "out"standing students. Accompanying these students was the best recession in the last few decades and an unprecedented amount of fear over the future of many businesses. Mass hysteria was rampant and it seemed end of the world just might have been preponed by 3-4 years from 2012. Under these circumstances even to survive and get a single job was a herculean task and a record.

It does make me wonder……

What exactly is it that leads to a record?

Extraordinary people in ordinary situations or just ordinary people in extraordinary situations

I guess that I will just keep on wondering for a long time.

PS: Following record is a projection of mine. Work for it & enjoy it as a bonus.
“More than 150% changing their jobs in two years (Projected)”

The Tiny Speck

2010-06-25T10:42:00.001+05:30

25th June 2010, New Delhi

For the last 5-6 months I have been trying to write some posts about many heavy topics.

About topics which force me to think, and think deep.

Topics which force me to dig within my own morality and force me to think out things I would rather not know about myself, the world or even morality itself.

Needless to say the progress has been difficult, slow and tedious.

And then I came across the following illustration in TOI:

This combined with my general reluctance to do tedious work after coming back to Delhi has lead to my shelving the projects indefinitely.

As for future plans, I plan to follow this illustration with utmost sincerity; after all I am just a tiny speck in the entire universe.

Dilemmas

2010-05-30T23:03:00.003+05:30

30th May 2010, Delhi

Lots & lots of dilemmas we face in our life everyday.

To be or not to be
To go to work or not
To do the work or not
To sleep for an hour more or not
To watch andaz apna apna again or not

These days I am faced with a different kind of a dilemma almost every week. As most of my friends are now in the marriageable age….. I receive a wedding notification almost every week. Every week I am faced with the same dilemma.

a) Should I congratulate the friend getting married?
b) Should I console the friend getting married?

I mean seriously, should I be happy that he is getting a life partner saying “awesome mate you are getting married!” or should I sympathize with him saying “OMG you are getting out of bachelorism!!!”.
Decisions Decisions………

So I decided to neither condone nor condemn this step and keep my silence.

So to all my friends getting married, for once and for all

“Aapko bahut bahut badhai, Mujhe aapse humdardi hai”

Delete the line before/after the comma depending upon your preference

I go neither left nor right. I prefer to remain standing in the middle lazily.

In Remembrance

2010-05-21T15:12:00.000+05:30

21st May 2010, Delhi

This post, and the image included in it, is for the NOT fond remembrance of the month I have just had.

Other than commemorating one month of fever, this post also commemorates more than 1.5 months of abstinence from pizza.

Fuck you typhoid (finally a name to put to my long standing fever).

Just replace the “week” by “month” in the quote and you have my own month.

I now promise to abstain from drinking…………..ganne ka juice

Fevers & Getting High

2010-04-30T23:06:00.002+05:30

22nd April, 2010

No this is not a tactical nuclear weapon.

This is the antibiotic I was forced to eat recently when I was ill. (Technically speaking I am still ill as I am still spouting a fever of 100F sporadically)

When I was really ill, i.e. when I periodically got fever over 103F, I used to really have these weird thoughts. Thoughts which escaped my imagination when I was not feverish. My imagination stopped being confined by the chains my mind puts on it. Sometimes even imagining and feeling physically impossible things, like floating in the air. You think on a different plane of thought than normal, your mind gaining a single minded focus and clarity of thought.

It was in this unique position I found myself having this unique thought.

"Is this how a man who is 'high' feels?"

And so was the cat killed. But still curiosity raged on in the hearts of men.

Now since I am a novice as in regards to the experience of getting high. I thought that I would finally put the knowledge gained in my MBA to do something productive. How? By conducting a qualitative market research to find out the similarities between the effects of having a very high fever and being very high (on alcohol, drugs etc etc, take your pick)

Please read the following qualifying conditions very carefully:

You must have gotten very high fever atleast one time in your life, and you must remember the experience atleast partially. (High fever means atleast a fever of 102F, and may involve hallucinations)
You must have gotten high atleast one time in your life, and you must remember the experience atleast partially.(Being high means being unable to remember what you did that night atleast partially)

Now if you qualify on the basic conditions given above & if you think that you can help me in this noble cause, contact me.

Be ready to have your brain picked apart. I will try to keep it simple and short.

I am afraid I cannot reveal the details about the research now, as it may bias the participants viewpoint. But rest assured that it will be legend…wait for it….dary.

Rest assured that identity of any of participants will be kept confidential & secure. If you want the names of people who have trusted me with non disclosure of their names, so as to feel more secure about this thing, just ask me. The list with their names will be mailed to you along with their other details.

PS: I just noticed but why the hell we call research “re”search. We are not searching for something which is already discovered. Why not call it “newsearch”.

PJ@50% of capacity

2010-03-02T18:57:00.006+05:30

24th February 2010, Kolkata

Warning: Long Post, Heavy Images, Irrelevant Content, Incomprehensible humor, Potential for Insanity after reading

It has been a long time since I operated at the level of pj’s I am capable of…..a Really Really long time. It is rare that I get to talk to someone with whom I can try and reach my potential. Usually it is with a fellow pj maker.

Today I bid adieu to my pj’s.

As an obituary………a compilation of some of my best (worst?) pj’s, most made @ at least 50% of my peak potential. A few made at peak potential. Obviously they are not word to word copy of what I said or did at that time. Memories are a fickle thing after all.

You have been warned.

PJ One (first, pratham, awwal, Chatur Ramalingam)

Honorary mention: Raghav Madan akka Maddy – the only person at IIML who made me increase my potency of pj’s just to match his.
Instigating Event: My status message ( Talk to the hand, 'cos the face ain't listening)

R: tu apne face se sunta hai??
yaar mujhe bhi sikha, main to ears se sunta hu

me: yo
face main pores hain
woh waves sense karte hain
like snake

R: matlab tu porus hai?
ooooohhh, main to alexander hu
nice to meet you

me: nahin main porus nahin hun
chanakya hun
aur tu chandragupt

R: arre ye baat to gupt thi
aapko kaise pata?

me: bobby deol ne batayi

R: par maine to usse maarne ke liye kajol ko bheja tha
wo manisha ke boobs dekh ke distract ho gayi hogi

me: nahin
use sharukh khan ne haar ke jeet liya tha

R: oooohhh
shit
mera world domination ka plan bekaar ho gaya
:(

me: nahin be
tumhari dunuyan naari hai na..
tumne halwe ke seedha beech main haath maar diya tha
isliye ungliyan jal gayi thi
agli baar kiss se shuru karna
phir s** karne ki koshish karna, ungliyan bhi bach jayengi
aur tumhara world domination bhi ho jayega
just keeps some whips and cuffs handy

R: nahi, agli baar american pie
me: indian kyun nahin be
indian ladkiyan itni *censored* hoti hain

R: yaar india mein sab log pie pie ke mohtaaj hote hain

me: koi na
hum tumhe pi pi de denge
bas tum use specify kar do ki yeh pi hai kitna
suna hai ki 3.14 ke aas paas hota hai

R: round off kar dena

me: haan 3.4

Then we had to break off our mental (literally) battle to go for the classes. Damn IIM.

Please Note: Content is modified minorly to improve comprehension for the lesser mortals

PJ too err…….two

Scenario: Me sitting calmly in the Metallurgy Lab after telling a small insignificant "reply PJ" to Adi while he was conversing with me. Adi got riled up and asked me to tell a pj. I replied to him that I make them on the go during conversations. I do not tell memorized pj’s.
Instigating Event: Adi getting riled up and challenging me

In response I calmly took a paper and wrote PJ on it and then…

I think I broke him for a minute or two as he did not respond, just stared blankly at me after I had “hit” him with my pj. Then he swallowed, turned away and did not meet my eyes for the entire period. I think he kept on chanting something about “galti” and “dobara nahin” but I might have been mistaken.

PJ three (teen, tritiya, Bandar, idiots)

Honorary mention: Bhanu Pratap Singh Chauhan (BPSC), only person at DCE I knew who matched my level of PJ’s
Instigating Event: PJ competition at DCE

BTW: I sent only the written entry, didn’t think an in person appearance would be wise after sending the written entry.
BBTW: Sent in two answers for the same question as I did not know which one was better.

Written entry question 2: Sambha Gabbar se 15 feet upar patthar pe kyun baithta tha?

Answer 1: Gabbar likes south Indian dishes very much. Especially Vada. Hence to avoid the fate of being a dish in the menu served to gabbar like sambha(r) vada or sambha(r) dosa, sambha remained away from gabbar by staying 15 feet above him.

Answer 2: Gabbar was a sociopath (one step worse than psychopath). Even his own minions were afraid of him. Hence the minions tried hard to stay away from gabbar to avoid becoming minion-meat.

Sambha was the most intelligent of the lot. He accomplished this in the most innovative fashion. He observed gabbars movement’s and determined his usual walk pattern when in mood of killing. Which is Illustrated below.

So as to remain within gabbars sight and yet out of sight of his gun sambha chose a rock from which gabbar could only hear him and see him, yet never being able to shoot him. Also, this allowed him to remain in good graces of gabbar as he could answer his questions anytime that too while remaining in his line of sight while remaining out of his line of shootings sight.

He did this by using his advanced knowledge, which is now lost in time and is now known only as the legend of trigonometry. Shown below is the rare document detailing the awesome final answer as thought of by sambha:

He determined the farthest point of gabbars usual walking pattern and determined the height at which gabbar will be able to see him but not shoot him. This involved advanced measurements using an inchi-tape and the lost art of trigonometry.

In the final calculations height of the rock was determined to be 15 feet, which is the reason why sambha used to sit 15 feet above gabbar on a rock.

PJ four (chaar, do jama do, do duni, one two ka)

Honorary Mention: KK aka Krishna Kant Gaur aka Sabu (As tall with greater appetite), He showed the self restraint necessary to not kill me on the spot. For that I am grateful.
Scenario: While randomly walking in the general direction of our guesthouse at jhanjhra from Durgapur. After a long string of harmless pj’s which frustrated KK with their potency I promised not to speak for rest of the journey in the interest of self preservation. Of course I warned him silence does not mean I will stop making pj’s. Then he made A Mistake..

A BIG mistake

A big F***ING Mistake

He scoffed at my claim…..

Instigating Event: The scorn

We were walking away after I took the pledge. All the while I was trying to make ridiculous miming gestures and KK was trying to ignore me (as usual). After a while when KK failed to respond to my silly miming gestures (which were getting kinda boring) I stopped making them. When I remained quiet for an extended period of time, KK took a breath of relief and let his guard down.
Then suddenly KK exclaimed

"Kan-Khujura"

Obviously I misunderstood him as saying “kaan khuja zara” and scratched him behind his ears.
All the while remaining silent of course and hence keeping my pledge.

After this incident KK requested(demanded) me to speak normally and refrain from pj’s, which I did in the interest of the possibility of having future generation of kids.

Pj Five (Paanch, do aur do, Draupadi ke shareholder kitne?)

Honorary Mention: Vaibhav Anand aka Mr Lobster, one of the most sarcastic, coolest, & awesomest person I have had the honour of meeting.
Unfortunately this is not a “pj” but a joke about harkats of a “pa” (Pagal Aadmi)
Scenario: Walking near IIT Bombay with the reliance IIML summer intern gang.
Instigating event: Me losing my reasoning and remembrance capabilities

Vaibhav’s phone’s battery was down so he asked for my phone. Some while after he returned it back he innocently inquired whether I have received any messages or calls. I said no and blissfully erased the entire conversation from my mind.

After about an hour I received a cheesy message. I did not recognize the number. Using my awesome reasoning and remembrance capabilities I decided then and there that someone is playing a prank on me.
Hence, instead of my usual polite reply of “who is this”, I decide to send the following sms:

“who the f*** in the f***ing name of f***ing god is this”

Just after sending the sms it was innocently inquired by janta around me: “didn’t vaibhav ask you whether you had received any messages or calls”

HOLY M*****F***ING SHIT

What the hell have I done. Just then I received a scathing, blistering, scorching and mind numbing sms reply from the concerned number. I did what any reasonable, rational, patient, and cool headed person would do.

I started running around like a headless chicken looking for vaibhav (who was buying something inside some shop) and after finding him start to apologize to him so much that he is unable to understand. Vaibhav being the pillar of unshakable calm he is asked me to chill and tried to call the concerned person from my phone. It was disconnected on the first ring.

Vaibhav still said no tension and went into a PCO booth to call and explain the hara kiri I had committed. When he emerged victorious 45 minutes later he was still chill and asked me to calm down.

I still have guilty feelings about this incident till date.

Meanwhile this incident did get me a comment from shri shri jahaji kaptaan - “Jaggu rocks” - said with a twinkle in eye and double thumbs up. Especially appropriate for specially F***ed up situations.

So I am done with pj@50% capacity or any capacity for that matter. RIP my pj’s. It’s time to move on…

PS: As regards the level of different pj’s used above, following information must be kept in mind: Pj = Pagal Joke > Pj = Pathetic joke > Pj =Poor Joke. Most jokes above are of Pagal Joke level.

Holi

2010-02-28T23:50:00.002+05:30

28th February 2010, Kolkata

A festival of colors

Or atleast that is how holi is described in the PR campaigns run for and by India for the tourists. What it is celebrated for nobody knows. Ask any aam(mango) aadmi(ladki?) or preferably a child, chances are he/she will answer either that he/she doesn’t know or something which doesn’t come even vaguely close to the real reason.

What everybody will agree about is that this is the day when we get to play with different colors and get to color everybody around us.

What most people forget these days is the importance of consent.

Generally we have a problem reconciling different point of views and requirements. Case in Point illustrated below

So when someone says the same about holi following thing happens

So on holi you are getting colored. And if do not like it, too bad you will be getting colored against your consent. Because on this day most people just do not take no for an answer.

I could state cases where people are allergic to colors or other such reasons, but that goes against the point. Why is it necessary for someone to have an affliction to have a reason to not play holi. Why does a persons simple reason that he does not like to play considered a moot point.

Doesn’t free will count?

I guess not

PS: Pat yourself on the back and contact me for a war with pj’s if you caught the reference to Katrina kaif in the article above

Dear Bored Out of Your Mind HR Guy

2010-02-18T01:44:00.004+05:30

25th January 2010, Kolkata

To,
The bored Hr guy/gal reading countless applications

From,
The little, fat, despo for a job guy

Subject: Basic etiquettes

Dear random HR guy/gal,

Every other day you receive applications from hundreds of despo guys/gals, everyday you randomly shower them with your (in)attention. Every day you make them suffer with doubt about the usefulness of applying, as they can’t even be certain that anyone is taking out even a few seconds to read their application.

Since you are too bored/unmotivated/busy to write a simple acknowledgement or rejection letter please allow me to illustrate to you a simple three click strategy to send a simple acknowledgment or rejection letter. To do this you need to do the following steps:

1) Enable “canned responses” in google labs (a feature of gmail) and save copies of acknowledgment or rejection letters (I suppose maximum would be these). A Helpful tutorial here: http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/gmail_canned_responses.php
2) Whenever an email comes follow the following three click strategy
                    a. Click on reply
                    b. Click on canned responses and select the appropriate one
                    c. Click on Send

If possible, please use the above method to, at the very least, send people a rejection letter. It will tell them that someone is taking some time to read their application.

After all it is basic etiquette to reply to someone talking to you.

FYI

Regards

The little, fat, STILL despo for a job guy

Main Shama Chahta hun

2010-01-13T14:50:00.004+05:30

January 11th 2010, Kolkata

Forgive, Absolve, Acquit, Extenuate, Bury the hatchet, Kiss and make up, Let it go, Let off, Let pass, Excuse, Exempt, Exculpate, Pardon…….so many words…..such a simple concept. There are so many sayings about it in so many different cultures, all saying the same things.

Forgive and forget.

I remember reading or hearing this saying somewhere that you do not forgive someone else for doing something, you forgive yourself for letting it happen. Gandhi said “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Ausonius said “Forgive many things in others; nothing in yourself.” William Blake said that it is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.

Such understatements.

It’s almost impossible to forgive when a friend whom you trust, betrays your trust. You expect your enemy to hurt you; you may even expect a stranger to hurt you. But if a friend does an act which requires forgiveness……..we can’t do it.

However we are quite quick in forgetting and hence forgiving ourselves. We simply do not remember what wrongs we did, to whom we did them, and why did we do it. They simply cease to be a part of our mindscape. Even if we do not forgive ourselves, we definitely forget. Forgiving others does require a surprising amount of strength. And usually forgiving other is a step on the road to forgiving yourself.

That being said I am not sure that I want to forgive our former esteemed placement committee for whatever actions they undertook. I do not know whether I’ll be able to forgive you someday too. I am quite sure though that I will remember. I am quite sure that I do not want to forgive myself too for not opposing such things much more vehemently. I guess I am just not strong enough to forgive. That being clear I have just one thing to say:

“मैं शमा चाहता हूँ, पर मैं आपको शमा नहीं कर पाउँगा”
“और खुद को भी नहीं”

The B.C.

2010-01-03T23:38:00.003+05:30

January 2nd 2009, Kolkata

This story is of a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again and rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the B.C.

"Does the campground have it's own B.C.?" is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all, and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That B.C. business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. Please note that if you don't start early, you probably will not make it in time. It is a beautiful facility, the architecture and the acoustics are marvelous. You can hear even a pin drop.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now a supper is planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the B.C.

I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.

If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks.

Remember, this is a very friendly community.

Sincerely,

Campground Owner

This was a very “chamatkaari” joke which I read in a small booklet called “choti choti baatien”. It is really nice series of booklet with some very useful and humorous articles, given primarily to doctors as promotional material by a pharmaceutical company.

I was reminded of this piece by raja, who was talking about wanting to have a really nice bathroom, where two people could sit back to back on a commode and shit while gossiping. Weird fantasies this guy has, but who am I to say something about a guy’s eccentricities. I have enough of my own to qualify as a nut case.

PS: Another thing which I remembered from this book, which is not really relevant…..If you start having chest pain out of nowhere, start coughing. It might just save your life if you are having a heart attack. Coughing puts pressure on heart helping it in functioning correctly. The book asked people to share it, so here it is.

Fatal Attractions

2009-12-31T12:24:00.004+05:30

December 12th 2009, Kolkata

Well, I just need to vent this out….

I am currently trying to leave all the good things in life that I like – pizza, girls (or at least staring at them), cold drinks, Pj’s, computer games, burgers and simultaneously trying to do things I don’t like – exercising, eating healthy food, bathing everyday during winters.

Why is it that the things you like the best are the ones that turn out to be harmful to you? Maybe physically or mentally, maybe emotionally, maybe even socially. And the things you don't like turn out to be helpful for you......

As they say, everything you like is either harmful or illegal or forbidden. But Why???? Why is there such an injustice in the world??

A person should be able to eat tasty things without taking any tension, right? But then, why the hell is the order of consequences something like this: 1) You eat a pizza till you stomach feels content 2) You get fat 3) You get a coronary 4) You die of a heart attack.

A person is looks at something beautiful; it is not wrong, Right? Then why is it that staring at a Beautiful Girls stare is considered impolite? One doesn’t consider staring at a rose impolite, then why girls?

Why is it that there is a list of things you ought to do and not ought to do in every religion or culture? Why are some things forbidden or promoted? And why is it that even is this, the list for things forbidden more attractive than the list for things you are supposed to do? And the problem is not just in the list of things you shouldn’t do, but even in the list of things you ought to do.

Anonymous Wise Person: Eat your vegetables
Me: But they suck man, they have no taste

Or maybe it is the other way round, you just like the things harmful to you or forbidden to you. One is always attracted to things which are forbidden or banned, like drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, or just a plain ice cream when having a cold. Perhaps it is a desire to be a test subject, to prove the world wrong? Or maybe it is a rebellion against the shackles put on your free will.

Whatever the reasons, And in whatever haphazardly way I have reached this part, the point still remains the same. Everything you like is STILL either harmful or illegal or forbidden.

And I am still trying to leave them

Well, it seems life sucks.

Online Bookstore: Homage to a Review

2009-11-13T21:29:00.007+05:30

November 14^th, 2009, Kolkata

RIP: Review

Main “Fa” ko “Fa” Bolta Hun

2009-09-09T21:08:00.001+05:30

July 25th 2009, Kenda, West Bengal

It was a fine day in Bengal and we had just seen the trailer for kaminey yesterday.

We were going to the office on foot and looking around at the various advertisements around us. Advertisements ranged from “seetko, dono kaam sabun” to that for a “bastralaya, all purpose clothing”

This is when KK had the epiphany “Yahan bengal main log “Va” nahin bolte na”

Well the examples were in front of us, even in written format: vijay was written as bijay, vastralaya as bastralaya and vaishnav as baishnab.

Well we were in quite a fix, is this true for all things “V”??

When we were coming back from our office that day with our mentor, who’s been in Bengal for last 15-20 years, we asked him this innocent looking question

Us: Sir, yahan pe sab “Va” ko “Ba” bolte hain kya?
Sir: kya matlab?
Us: yahan pe sab vijay ko bijay, aur vastralaya ko bastralaya bolte hain na sir, to confusion ho raha tha…
Sir: Haan, so to hai, yahan pe sab “Ba” ko “Ba” bolte hain

Long live Ba

Long live kaminey

Being A Man of Business, Undercover (BAMBU)

2009-09-06T12:51:00.004+05:30

September 5th 2009, Kolkata

There has been a lot of flurry recently in the economy for a long time.

In this flurry, there are always people rebelling against the systems forced on them and going on to “start up” their own business. This has especially been true in times of recession, when due to lack of good job opportunities, people think of going on and starting their own business.

I have a bone to pick with this concept of business that these people go on about.

According to the general view accepted by people, when a person creates a startup company, he has started doing his own business.

According to my view, he has just started working in his own company. He has just shifted his job from under his boss to becoming a boss.

But the point is….It’s STILL a job.

Yes there are benefits involved:

You don’t have to work under anyone
You reap the profits for your idea
You are more involved in the work
You are more content with your job etc etc

As well as problems

You have more responsibility
A Highly unstable life initially etc etc

Still the point remains the same: It’s just another job. You are still working to earn your keep.

In my view you cannot be said to own a business unless you are NOT involved in the daily working of that business and still earning.

That is the essence of owning a business: Earning without working.

Your business is one which generates money for you without your interference in its daily workings. It may require lot of effort to setup, but after being setup it runs automatically.

I am not saying that starting up is worthless or meaningless, but I AM saying that it’s not the end of the road. Building up a business takes active time and commitment. But to create pathways to turn it into a passive income generator requires foresight.

Unless a person who is starting up has a vision of making the business self sustaining without his interference, and is willing to give over the control of his idea to competent people, he’s just ending up doing another job for the rest of his life, albeit a job that he has created for himself.

One might argue that he likes doing that work. True, you like doing that work but the question that arises is: can your company survive without your daily interference? If you are doing a work which cannot be delegated, which cannot be done by anyone except you, then your company will start failing the day you stop going to work. This essentially means you are still in a job. You work to earn your keep.

If your company can survive your not going to the office, congratulations, you have got yourself a business. Then you have become a man of business, undercover or BAMBU for short.

Don’t just be a business man, be a BAMBU.

That’s all I have to say.

PS: Yes, the BAMBU acronym has nothing to do with the subject of discussion of this post. I was just in the mood of telling a Pj on a public platform

PPS: Just because I am back to my Pj’s it does not mean I am happy with my job or out of the shitty mood I was in while writing the last post

A Rational man

2009-08-28T13:56:00.002+05:30

August 27th 2009, Asansol

I am a Rational Man.

I live in the present.
The past has happened and I can’t change it
The future is yet to come
They shouldn’t bother me, I should be happy living in my present
After all, I am a Rational Man

Why should I be sad that a person has died?
Everyone knows it’s an inevitable fact of life
Being sad is irrational
And I am a Rational Man

Why should I be angry that a person broke my trust?
He had a good incentive to do it
It was only rational
And I am a Rational Man

Why should I be disappointed when I couldn’t succeed?
I always knew the probability of my success was low
And I Know I am a Rational Man

Why should walking barefoot on grass make me content?
It’s just an interpretation of some nerve signals by my brain
And I am a Rational Man

Why should I be happy to see a baby smile?
I don’t know who that baby is
Or why he’s smiling
Being happy is irrational
And I am a Rational Man

Why should I be elated if my friend finds the love of his life?
He was bound to find someone one day
It’s not rational to be elated
And I am a Rational Man

Why should I think about the impossible?
Dreams are just an expression of unfulfilled desires
Dreams are not rational
And I am a Rational Man

Why should I care about love?
I know it’s just an amalgamation of chemicals clouding my brain
Exactly the same chemical reaction as eating large amount of chocolates
Love is not rational
And I am a Rational Man

But is it worth being Rational?
If I can’t even feel my own emotions
It is Rational to think it’s not…..and I believe it
After all….I AM a Rational Man

Greetings from a sane mind going insane

2009-08-28T13:37:00.004+05:30

Just another blog here, Just another person trying to express himself..

This is my platform for keeping a track of my own evolution.
Filled with creations from my own mind, expressing my emotions
Or maybe some incidents which make my life what it is..

Welcome to my world